Monday, December 28, 2009

Letter to M

I'm playing the badger-the-ex-for-child-support game which so many of us are intimately familiar with. Lots of fun. He's still winning. But I haven't given up.

Anyway, the point of this post really isn't about that.

I went through this phase when I was about seventeen or so, that I was all about manners and couth. My bible was Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior. I read the whole thing cover to cover, and I just loved her style. You see, I've never been a particularly confrontational person. I don't like to fight, yell, or insult people. Unfortunately, some of those aggressive skills do come in handy at times in this imperfect life. From Miss Manners, I learned that I didn't need to do any of that to shame people into acting like decent people. (At that point in my life I sincerely believed that all people were capable of having proper shame - now I know better.) All I needed to do was choose my words carefully. And I have been doing it ever since.

Another thing. (I promise this all comes together at the end. Bear with me.) I don't like swearing at people. I can certainly appreciate a cuss word or two for emphasis, or comedic value, but it has just never been 'me.' One of the reasons for this, I suppose, is that when I was young, but old enough to start questioning things, I debated with my mother that swear words were just sounds, so why were they such a big deal? (Swearing was an absolute no-no in our home, lol. Except for my mom herself, if she was particularly angry. Do as I say, not as I do at it's best!) To that she replied that it wasn't a big deal. In fact, it was such a small deal that people who curse habitually do so as a result of their small mindedness and lack of education. If that were untrue, she reasoned, they would be able to express themselves in more than four letter words.

No offense intended. I know many a bright minded person with the mouth of a sailor. This is just what she said that made sense to my inquisitive eight year old mind :). As a result of that, when I'm angry, I don't tend to curse. Instead my words get more succinct. This was always something that bothered M - if I was really angry, he could never comprehend what I was saying to him. Then he felt like an uneducated idiot. (Which by the way, I sidestepped arguing with.)

So here it is. Miss Manners and my mother's teachings combine to give you this request for child support. I only hope M doesn't have to do too much Googling. I tried to keep it simple for him.

Here's to using proper vocabulary and good manners to act like a bitch!


I just wanted to make you aware that I have not received a check for December's child support payment. You indicated in an email via **** on 11/24/2009 that you intended to send a child support check in the full amount of $400 on 12/18/2009. It has been ten days since that date, and I have not received any mail from you whatsoever.

Please let me know if you have mailed it, but it has somehow gotten delayed or lost due to post office error.

Otherwise, I would like to remind you as I did on 11/20/2009 in an email via ***** that unless your intent is to relinquish your parental rights, child support is your legal responsibility.

Please contact me at your earliest convenience to indicate 1) if you have sent a check, 2) if you have not, whether you would like to initiate the process of relinquishing parental rights, 3) if you have not sent a check and do not desire to relinquish rights, please indicate an exact date I can expect $400 for December's support, as well as $400 for January, and a method of payment. If you have not yet sent a payment and intend to, please do not send a personal check. A money order, cashier's check, or Western Union wire transfer are all acceptable forms of payment.

Please allow enough time when you are composing your response to address each question I have asked. I do not have time to try to decipher one line responses or send multiple emails because my queries have not been adequately addressed. I have numbered each question for your convenience.

I hope you received my message via Facebook on 12/22/2009 updating you on E's weight check. I will send his 5 month update with pictures on 01/02/2010 as previously promised to *****

Thank you for your time and continued cooperation.


Haute Single Mama


  1. Very complete and concise and to the point. Let us know how it goes mama!

  2. Awesome! It sounds great! You're never rude or mean in any way, but you tell him what needs to be done! Keep us posted with how it goes!