Lately I've been thinking about this blog. Why I post on it. Why I don't as much as I "should." I thought about why I started blogging.
I started blogging because I couldn't find any blogs written by people like me. When M told me that he didn't want to be married to me anymore, my life stopped making sense. Never in a million years had I pictured myself as a single mother. I was scared.to.death. I searched the Internet for blogs about single mothers. Mothers whose husbands had left them when their babies were as little as mine. Women who were blatantly rejected by someone who, a few days before, swore up and down that they were completely happy in the relationship.
I didn't find any.
I found some very inspiring single mom blogs. Moms of multiple children, moms who had gotten divorced after many years of marriage, moms who were successfully coparenting with their exes. But none with a story quite like mine.
I was desperate to know how I would do it. It seemed so impossible. So nightmarish. I needed to see that others had been through what I had and had lived to tell the tale. I had found solace in the blogs of stronger women before - when I miscarried and when I lost B - and so often I wished that I'd had the strength to blog while I was going through those experiences.
So I decided to blog this one. The journey of my single motherhood. My road to self reliance and self acceptance. Lately, though, I've found myself uninspired. I come to this blog when I need help - to ask questions or to blog about my problems, and that's not what I intended this blog to be. It's been difficult to blog about the divorce process while it's been going on, and it's difficult to be open about the experiences while leaving out key personal details.
So I want to refocus. This blog is about what I do right, and about the lessons I learn from the mistakes I do make. If I can reach out and help one woman going through similar changes in her life, I'll have reached my goal.
Why did you start blogging? Does your blog still reflect what you meant it to be?