Well, I figured it out. It only took me... almost a year, but I figured it out.
So right after M and I separated, I started losing weight. This was way healthy for me, because I definitely had weight to lose after 3 pregnancies in a row. In the spring, though... I started to plateau. But that happens with weight loss, so I didn't worry about it. Incidentally, that was about the time I started taking domperidone.
Fall? I started to regain. I was mortified, but I chalked it up to all the stress eating and studying that I'd been doing, as well as lack of exercise. But... when I finally got up the courage to weigh myself? I'd regained at an alarming weight. Totally alarming.
I've been doing the 30 Day Shred again, and really taking care to make healthy food choices. I haven't been perfect, but I've improved a lot over what I was doing in fall semester. But the scale hasn't budged.
I thought it must be something I'm not doing right... I must be eating more than I realize.. but how did I lose weight so fast before and now, doing the same thing, I'm unable to lose anything?
Then when I was debating whether or not to order more domperidone to continue pumping for E... I ran across a thread on some mommy website. Each and every woman in this discussion said that she had gained weight while taking domperidone, and couldn't lose it until after she got off it. I searched around some more and found more discussions on other websites that came to the same conclusion. It's the domperidone!
Well crap. Crap crap crap. Summer is coming, I feel awful, and I know without a doubt that this is what is causing me to gain and retain weight. It only makes sense - the purpose of the drug is to speed up digestion. The side effect just happens to be enhanced lactation.
So now I'm so conflicted. In the scheme of things, what's 4 1/2 more months before I manage to shed the baby weight? Not a whole lot. But I feel so awful about myself, and the divorce is going to be final, and I'm lonely. I want to feel cute and dateable, you know? Which I seriously don't right now. Not in the least.
Sigh. So, I'm not sure what to do. I'm pretty sure I'm going to finish out what I have. At least I know now. But I don't know if I can order more when I know it's doing this to me. I'm so glad that I took it to be able to feed E breast milk.. but I'm so ready to shed this weight. Soooo ready.