Well, I figured it out. It only took me... almost a year, but I figured it out.
So right after M and I separated, I started losing weight. This was way healthy for me, because I definitely had weight to lose after 3 pregnancies in a row. In the spring, though... I started to plateau. But that happens with weight loss, so I didn't worry about it. Incidentally, that was about the time I started taking domperidone.
Fall? I started to regain. I was mortified, but I chalked it up to all the stress eating and studying that I'd been doing, as well as lack of exercise. But... when I finally got up the courage to weigh myself? I'd regained at an alarming weight. Totally alarming.
I've been doing the 30 Day Shred again, and really taking care to make healthy food choices. I haven't been perfect, but I've improved a lot over what I was doing in fall semester. But the scale hasn't budged.
I thought it must be something I'm not doing right... I must be eating more than I realize.. but how did I lose weight so fast before and now, doing the same thing, I'm unable to lose anything?
Then when I was debating whether or not to order more domperidone to continue pumping for E... I ran across a thread on some mommy website. Each and every woman in this discussion said that she had gained weight while taking domperidone, and couldn't lose it until after she got off it. I searched around some more and found more discussions on other websites that came to the same conclusion. It's the domperidone!
Well crap. Crap crap crap. Summer is coming, I feel awful, and I know without a doubt that this is what is causing me to gain and retain weight. It only makes sense - the purpose of the drug is to speed up digestion. The side effect just happens to be enhanced lactation.
So now I'm so conflicted. In the scheme of things, what's 4 1/2 more months before I manage to shed the baby weight? Not a whole lot. But I feel so awful about myself, and the divorce is going to be final, and I'm lonely. I want to feel cute and dateable, you know? Which I seriously don't right now. Not in the least.
Sigh. So, I'm not sure what to do. I'm pretty sure I'm going to finish out what I have. At least I know now. But I don't know if I can order more when I know it's doing this to me. I'm so glad that I took it to be able to feed E breast milk.. but I'm so ready to shed this weight. Soooo ready.
I'm glad you figured out what was causing the biggest problem. Losing weigh is HARD. If it wasn't there wouldn't be so many commercials advertising weightloss aids. I know you, and I know that when you put your mind to something you can do it. I've hit a plateau too and I don't even have something I can blame it on. :)
ReplyDeleteIt must be a constant struggle ... what is most convenient/best for you may not be most convenient/best for your baby. Thanks for sharing! As a not-yet-but-in-the-not-too-distant-future mom I appreciate the heads up!
ReplyDeleteOh no!! That has to be the worst thing possible. I'm a little confused with weight loss myself :( Hang in there mama!
ReplyDeleteDo what will make you happy mama. You've done (and continue doing!) so much for your little man, and if you want/need to do something for you I think you deserve it!!
ReplyDeleteThat must be so hard. But like everyone is saying. If you do what makes you happy it'll make baby happy too. Good luck
ReplyDelete~ Jill
www.highheelsandhuggies.blogspot.com
I understand exactly where you are at. I hardly put on any extra weight during preganancy but went on the dom for low supply and I weigh more now than I did when I was pregnant! Honestly for me, I couldn't handle having to pump 6 times a day anymore and although it was very hard to stop breastfeeding (and you feel guilty cos you think you should keep doing it) my baby is fine. She loves her bottles. Just think, many people have been formula fed from birth and they are healthy adults. Give yourself a break and if you want to stop the dom, stop it and get your body back. You have a lot of things going on in your world without feeling bad about your body. It takes a few months after you finish the dom to be able to lose weight too...
ReplyDelete