Monday, March 7, 2011

Can't Quit

I think I have a problem. An addiction of sorts. They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right? Right?! So maybe I have a problem. 

I'm afraid to stop pumping. Really, literally afraid. I can't imagine a world in which I don't need to pump at least twice a day. I can't imagine a world in which I don't have breast milk to give to my baby. 

The thing is, my baby? Will be turning two in only five months. Two. That's pretty old. (Yes, I have now been exclusively pumping for 19 months. Yes, I am insane.)

He mainly takes a bottle of breast milk at nap time and at bedtime. He's down to about 20 oz a day. The last week or so he's become obsessed with "wa-wa" (water) in his sippy cup or a regular cup (which I try to avoid since he spills it all over himself). He insists on will take sips of cow's milk out of a cup if I'm drinking it, but I haven't tried putting it in his sippy or a bottle yet. I have a feeling he'd be fine with it in a bottle.. but that seems so weird. 

I'm almost out of domperidone (which, in case you're unfamiliar, is the medication recommended to me by my OB to take to maintain milk supply while exclusively pumping). Do I buy more? Or do I stop taking it, and let my supply taper off and start mixing with cow's milk? I can't decide. I just can't decide. 

On the one hand, I'll be really glad not to have to worry about it. The day I don't have to wash bottles and pump parts?! Well, it will just be one thing I can scratch off my to-do list... for good. Yay. 

On the other... I like pumping. I like the assurance of knowing that E is getting good nutrition even though he still has some trouble eating solid food. I like that breast milk is free (well, sort of... I buy the domperidone). And that it's always available. 

Any advice?! Is my reluctance to quit a sign that it's not time yet, or is it just the inability to accept that my teeny tiny preemie is now a toddler and doesn't really need me like that anymore?? Maybe some of both. 

6 comments:

  1. Hey!! So I just read this fantastic book you should read. Disease-proof your child by dr. Joel fuhrman... So good. Children benefit from mothers milk up until their 2nd birthday... Props to you for keeping it up for so long!!! Also.. I know it's a touchy subject but since I've been reading about it... Cows milk is pretty unhealthy to humans of all ages... Despite the common misconception that milk and cheese is healthy... It contains harmful bacteria and hormones that cause major health issues later in life... Even organic cows milk. We drink almond milk now... Anyway.... If you're interested take a look at that book and also the china study is fantastic as well...

    As for breast milk... Go you!!! Miss you!

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  2. I think it is absolutely amazing that you're still pumping! Way to go mama! If you want to stop, don't beat yourself up about it but I've read lots of benefits of breast feeding until 2 so it's up to you! One thing I did with Nol (he was only 12 months) was I only ever put formula/breastmilk in his bottle and when we were done with those, I stopped giving him a bottle at bed and nap and he never looked back! Buuut it is really hard watching our babies grow up so maybe ride it out as long as you can?! :) whichever you decide, you're amazing and you've got my support 100%!!

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  3. I honestly wish I could have nursed my kids until they were 2. In fact after my miscarriage when I had to wean Clark was so hard on me. If you aren't ready then don't stop, but if you're ready to be done with the bottles and the pump then know that you did an awesome job. I don't know anyone else who has pumped for that long, way to go!!

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  4. You are so awesome! A friend was surprised today that Ryan is still nursing (14 mo) and I told her I don't know how to stop! But I can't imagine exclusively pumping. If you don't want to stop, don't! That's my advice ;) Ryan still nurses a LOT, but he also gets cow's milk in a cup with meals and he likes it too. So we do both.... I don't know if I'll be relieved or if I'll sob when he finally stops. Hugs mama!!!

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  5. Nothing wrong with it at all! I think it is an awesome accomplishment and you should keep doing it as long as you and your son want. Good job, mama!

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  6. Personally my advice would be to stop closer to his second birthday. Then maybe stop the meds and see where that takes you.

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