Makeover Monday - Bronze Eyeshadow

I haven't done a Makeover Monday since back in December when I chopped off all my hair. I have no idea why.

Today's MM is going to feature one of my stand by makeup looks - bronze eyeshadow.

This look is really easy, and you can't really mess it up, which is why I love it so much. The eyeshadow I use is Clinique Colour Surge Eyeshadow Super Shimmer in Strike It Rich. 

Using that little sponge-y brush thing that comes with the eyeshadow, I just sweep it on up to the crease and extend it outward almost past the outer corners of the eye. That's seriously it. Done with that. I blend it a little (with my finger or a random brush), and then use a highlighter on my brow bones/inner corners (I'll give you my recommendation for that in another MM post!) I like to use a fairly shimmery highlighter though, because if you use one that's way more matte than the bronze it just looks weird. 

I obviously finished up with a pencil eyeliner, just in black, and mascara. Sometimes for a more dramatic look (like for night) I'll put some of the bronze on my lower lid as well, and use a thick liquid eyeliner extending past the outer corners of the eyes. It reminds me of Cleopatra or something - it's also a fun look. But wayyy too much for daytime. 

**If you ever try any of my Makeover Monday looks, leave me a picture or a link in the comments! 

Headstone

Today, I went to see B's headstone for the first time. I got the call that it had been set yesterday, but I had class so I didn't have time to go see it.

It's beautiful. It's simple, but I love it. I feel so much peace now that she has one - a little more closure, I guess. I am so thankful to the Dempsey Burdick Memorial Foundation for providing it for us - I have no idea when I would have been able to get her one otherwise. Certainly not for 3-5 more years at least.

We went out to her grave on Mother's Day. It was the last time we went with her temporary marker in place!

Today, we went out to see it, and to take a new shepherd's hook and a flower basket out, and it looks amazing! 

Under her name and dates it says "Too pure, too lovely for this Earth. In our arms for a short time, in our hearts forever."

I wish I had good photo editing skillz because I think this is an awesome shot. Especially since I'm a total amateur. 

The footprints on her headstone are tracings of the footprints we took after she had died, in their actual size. E's little foot looks MONSTROUS comparatively!

You can see the top of the shepherd's hook we brought and the flower basket. I think the shepherd's hook is a super pretty one, and as you can see you can hang stuff off both sides. I only brought the one basket this time, though. And I did take the tag off before we left ;)

Question Game!

I was the girl who spent hours doing MySpace Surveys, so I dig these question games. This one is from Modern Mom at How to Survive Life in the Suburbs.


1. What is one thing that you truly do just for you?

Tweet!! I love it. I have met so many amazing people through Twitter, and it's just awesome. And it doesn't help out one single person besides myself! It's therapeutic, though.

2. What is the most expensive thing in your closet?

My Coach patchwork, of course! (Although if you're counting how much I actually paid for it... I paid more for my Juicy bags! But it is worth way more.)

3. Are you where you want to be in your life?

Absolutely not. I love my baby boy, and he is exactly what I always wanted, but other than that? Not even close! I daydream daily about the day when I finish school, get a job, and can MOVE OUT again. And maybe, someday, even get married again.

4. If you could be on any reality TV show, which would it be?

The Bachelor/ette! When I was married I used to watch it all teary-eyed and be like "M, I love you but I miss being singleeeeeee!" I got my wish, I guess, lol!

5. What dream are you working on right now? (doesn’t have to be a big huge life altering dream…could be finding time to get that book read)

I'm going to school to become a nurse!

6. Ohhh Best book you have read lately?

Hmmm. I haven't read a book just to read since I was on bed rest, and at that time I was reading preemie parenting books! I do highly recommend "Preemies: The Essential Guide for Parents of Premature Babies" to NICU parents, though.

7. Most annoying habit of your mate? C’mon share…I’m sure they aren’t looking.

I'm sure he's not. He used to have the worst pronunciation/grammar. He said "supposably" instead of "supposedly." He couldn't pronounce Chipotle, which was one of our favorite places to eat. He said "chi-pole-tay" instead of "chip-oat-lay." When he should have taken his opportunity to make a left turn, he said "I should have went" (vs. "I should have gone,"). He used to say, "I have a stigmata against it," apparently not knowing that "stigmata" is plural, and the singular is "stigma." I could go on and on. And no, I didn't correct him every time he said all this, lol. I'm not one of *those* people.

8. What is your favorite thing to do on your birthday?

Anything but cry! My 16th birthday, my dad forgot it was my birthday at all. My 19th birthday, my boyfriend didn't do the ONE thing I asked and make/pick up/whatever dinner and a cake. I didn't ask for any gifts! My 21st birthday, I found out that M had been cheating on me the first time. My 22nd birthday, we didn't celebrate because we were getting ready to move, and then 8 days later my baby died :(. I've had a lot of not so great birthdays. So the ones where there's no good reason to cry are totally awesome.

9. What is the best idea for a Wedding gift? (yes …I’m going to a Wedding and need some ideas! Ha)

My mom always takes people office supplies! Like a stapler, 3 hole punch, tape, envelopes, scissors, stamps... stuff you take for granted for just "being there." Of course, here, people get married really young. If someone had been living on their own for a long time before they got married, it probably wouldn't be such a hit.

10. What is one thing you look back on in your life and think “I can’t believe I survived that.” FYI for me…it was a very scary ride in Mexico with my girlfriend and three guys who claimed to be police officers. Gullible much?

Lol. When I went on my internship to Florida, I let a guy who I had *met on the internet* who was doing the internship as well pick me up from the airport and share a hotel room. I am so lucky that he was actually a really decent guy and not some kind of psycho rapist.

I Pink Puffy Heart: Thrift Store Shopping

I pink puffy heart....

Thrift store shopping.

This is a big deal. A huge deal! Seriously, before very recently, I'd never shopped in one before in my life. I know for all you frugalistas out there, that is completely unthinkable. But it's seriously, for reals, true.

I never really needed to is the thing. There were times when I was married, and when I was living on my own before I was married, that I probably should have, but I didn't have to. So I would walk in, look around, see only the hideous sweaters and things, and bolt for the door. I would pay a little extra for the convenience of not having to wade through a sea of fashion tragedy to find ONE cute steal.

I didn't ever get far enough in to realize that it's not just one cute steal. Well, okay, sometimes it IS just one. But most of the time, it's quite a few. And wading through the racks of clothes doesn't take long once you get the hang of it.

I've probably bought more clothes in the, what, 7 months ..?.. since I left M, than I did in the whole two years we were married. And I've definitely only spent a fraction of what I spent on clothes in those two years.

So yes. Thrift store shopping? Pink puffy heart. All the fun of shopping, none of the guilt.

D-Listed Blog Party 2010

Hey! I'm Nicole, the Haute Single Mama. I love the idea of this blog party!

Here's the sitch. I'm 23 years old. I'm a single mama {you can read about how I became single here} to my earth baby E, a former 29-weeker preemie NICU graduate. I have two other babies - a baby I miscarried at 6 weeks, and B, a 26-weeker preemie who died in the NICU. I'm also a pre-nursing student.

I blog about being a single mama, about exclusively pumping and bottle feeding breast milk for my NICU graduate, about infant loss, about perfume, about school, about divorce, and about anything else that occurs to me. Oh, and hopefully one of these days my divorce will be final and I'll be blogging my dating adventures!


I'm super addicted to Twitter, so please come chat with me over there.

Thanks so much for stopping by!

Happy 9 Months, E!!!

Nine months have literally flown by. Where has the time gone?

E and I have already been through so much together. He is my heart and soul, the reason I wake up in the morning and the reason I don't cry myself to sleep every night. When I look into his eyes, I have a million thoughts and a million feelings that are almost impossible to put into words, but I'll try.

I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant with him - the feelings of joy and excitement, but also of trepidation. The days I voluntarily put myself on 'bed rest,' fearing that somehow being too active would make me lose him. I remember the sheer terror, the way my heart stopped when I was triaged at 23 weeks and told I was dilated a centimeter and a half. The emptiness I felt when discussing that, at 23 weeks, it would be best to only do comfort care if he arrived that night. Bracing myself for that. Pulling out all of our meager savings in case we had to do another funeral. Six weeks of bed rest in the hospital. Celebrating each day of the pregnancy that passed without my body failing him. The night I was told "I'm so sorry, but I'm afraid you're going to deliver tonight. We can't stop your labor." The confusion I felt when my labor stalled, and my mixed relief and agitation at that. The morning he was born, catching a brief glimpse of him, hat on, being bagged, and rolled away to NICU. The days that followed, alternating between hope and complete despair. Imagining bringing him home, yet the next minute imagining what I would dress him in for his funeral, how I would comb his hair. How lucky I am that I never had to do that. How afraid I still am that someday I will.

At nine months, he's going through a really fussy period. It has come at the worst time - coinciding with the end of the semester, and to be honest, sometimes I feel at the end of my rope. Doing this alone is so difficult, so much pressure. But when I look into his eyes, even when I'm the most frustrated, I can't believe how lucky I am. I get to care for him every day. I get to watch him grow. Every day I kiss his little feet, and count his little toes, and literally thank God for allowing me to keep him one more day. Every breath he takes, every beat of his heart is a miracle. And I will never, ever forget that.

I love you, E.

First glimpse of my little man

Look at him now!!!

Where I Have Been

I've been totally MIA from the internet lately :(. I miss it! I wrote one blog post in all of April. ONE! Pathetic.

E went through this really, really, REALLY fussy/clingy time, which was where I was at first. I had to hold him, rock him, bounce him literally ALL DAY and he wouldn't sleep anywhere but in my arms. Turns out he had silent reflux (we realized it because he kept getting a hoarse voice, the poor thing!) and now that he's being medicated for that, most days are much better.

But now finals are upon me, and I'm doing the normal end of semester spazzing. I'm not sure how my grades are going to be. I thought I was totally set for A's in all my classes, but I'm feeling less confident now. I've done really well on all the major stuff - I've gotten A's on all my English papers and my test average for biology was 98% - but now at the end of the semester I've been noticing that I missed a few little things like online quizzes that were supposed to be worth hardly anything, but have now been inflated to a significant portion of our grade. It would be nice if instructors would give an accurate grade breakdown in their syllabus, but whatev. What's done is done, and I'm at least confident that I *passed* everything, lol. I'm a perfectionist though, so I'll definitely have a good cry over anything less than a 4.0. I'm pathetic like that.

As a result, I'm feeling less confident that I'm going to get into the nursing program on my first try. The program here is very competitive (generally 150+ applicants for 40 spots) and they do it on a point system. 50%  of the points come from your GPA calculated from your prerequisite classes only, 25% from the TEAS entrance exam, and 25% from a proctored essay. I ordered a study guide for the TEAS which should be here any day, and I won't be taking it until later in the summer (July or August), so I think I can do well on that. I'm good at essays so I'm not worried about that either. The prereq GPA though... see, I took pre-calculus ages ago. I got a B in it. If I apply for the program this fall, the only classes that will be calculated will be that pre-cal class, English, and the CNA and anatomy courses I'm taking over the summer. If I got an A in everything else, that still only puts my GPA at like a 3.6 or 3.7. If I don't get an A in English... that brings it way down too. A 3.0 is required to apply, but at least a 3.5 is needed to be competitive. Anyway, this is getting boring and I'm basically just typing my thoughts now. The point is, I HAVE to get A's in everything, and if I don't, I probably won't get into the program when I want to. And that just plain sucks because that's one more semester living at home, one more semester of loans. So I'm feeling lots of pressure and stress. I know I can only do the best I can, and actually, I've been kind of a rock star considering 1) I started the semester late, 2) I have such a *young* baby, 3) I've been pumping this whole time in addition to everything else, 4) and I'm a SINGLE MOM! There were three other moms in my bio class - one older than me with a 16 year old, one with two youngish kids (one still breastfeeding), and one with two youngish kids as well (but none breastfeeding), and they all are expecting lower grades in that class than I am. Significantly lower. And all three of them have husbands! So I know I'm being too hard on myself, but... I *have* to do this. I have to do it to be able to support E. Besides, I'm so tired of living at home. I'm so grateful that I'm able to, don't get me wrong, but it's very difficult being an adult child living at home. It just is. I am so looking forward to the day when I have my own place.

Anyway, that's where I've been. I promise I'll be back after this week when all my finals are over and I have two seconds to breathe!!

Pumping Milestone - 9 months.

With E's 9 month birthday coming up tomorrow, I just *have* to post about my 9 month pumpiversary!!!

It's going swimmingly. It's still a pain in the butt, of course, but my pumping life has improved considerably since I started taking domperidone. I ordered it from Inhouse Pharmacy, and I've been nothing but thrilled with it. I've been pumping as much as 40-50 oz a day. Just prior to receiving it, my supply had been reduced to literally about 15 oz a day - I had to thaw 2 bags out of my small freezer stash each day just to keep up. I've been able to replenish and increase my freezer stash, and sometimes I feel like I have milk up to my eyeballs, there's so much! I love it. I'm sort of running out of room in my mom's freezer (we still have to keep regular food in there, ya know!) so I might reduce the number of pills I'm taking (8 a day currently) and try to maintain a supply of about 30 oz/day - enough to cover what E eats and freeze a bag maybe every other or every three days. We'll see though. I'm not so sure I want to mess with it - it's working so well.

E is still on only breast milk. I've been toying with the idea of starting solids for months now, but it hasn't felt right. My mom is pressuring me like crazy, but I'm holding out until I'm sure E's ready. He's doing beautifully on breast milk alone! I'm so glad that I've been able to maintain this for this long. Nine months!! A year will be here in no time.