Monday, March 8, 2010

And He's Back...

The drama llama, that is.

The drama llama indeed.

So yesterday, after I finished stalking M's Facebook as thoroughly as possible not being his friend anymore, I moved on to emailing his brother's wife. She still talks to me, mainly because she has her own issues with her husband/their family in general. The rest of the family has phased E and I out already, which I guess is fine.

Anyway, today, she was online and I started chatting with her. She told me what happened.

M's girlfriend cheated on him.

Oh, the sweet, sweet irony.

Consider the source, and the fact that this is all very grapevine-y - she doesn't talk to M herself (they don't like each other at all) so all this information is coming through her husband, to her, to me. And he likely leaves stuff out, because their relationship isn't that great.

But what she said is this: after a couple of months, GF told M she was feeling smothered and needed more time to herself. He grew more suspicious that she was lying about the places she was going. He ends up playing private investigator, and stalks her to one of her two baby daddies' houses. He then calls her, and asks her where she is. She tells him she's driving, on her way to pick up her kids from school.

I'm not sure what happened after that. I'm sure there was some kind of confrontation. The point is, they're not together anymore.

Also, I got a Facebook message from him today, saying that he's trying to transfer out here to a city about an hour and a half away from where I live. To be closer to E, and he wants to see E as much as possible. And his attorney is trying to figure out how much he's "supposed" to pay in child support, because he "needs to and wants to help support him." (Since when?! Pfffft. Put your money where your mouth is, kiddo.)

All of this is matter of fact and not very complicated, but being the drama queen that I am, I of course immediately started reading in between the lines.

And in doing so I realized that I'm looking for some kind of reconciliation attempt.

I want him to want me back. I want him to say "This is the biggest mistake I have ever made. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Please, let's be a family again."

And so many times, I've pictured that very thing happening. This is soooo cheesy and embarrassing, you guys, I don't even know why I'm telling you. But I've totally pictured that sort of scenario, and then he leans in to kiss me.. and I start to lean in too... and then I slap his face and walk away, never to be heard from again. LOL. Okay, unrealistic. That only happens in movies. I could do it, but I'd slap him and then he'd look at me and be like "WTH?!" and it would be all awkward, and I would blush, and not be able to think of anything witty to say. And just generally look like a spaz.

Anyway. So then today my mom asked me "What if he starts pursuing you again? Would you give him another chance?" Actually, like five people have asked me today if I'm going to get back with him, his brother's wife included. And I can't tell anyone no.

Why?! He was horrid to me. Well, him cheating was just inexplicably awful.

But between the cheating, he was wonderful. Really, really wonderful.

I love him, and I miss him.

I could never trust him again. And I shouldn't ever trust him again, because this whole thing wasn't just a mistake. This is a pattern. He will probably treat women like this his whole life.

E and I, we deserve so much better. Especially E.

Is there better though? All the marriages I see around me have, if less dramatic, just as lethal problems as M and I had. What if I get into a new relationship and just get more of the same? What then?

None of this matters though, because he doesn't want me. That's the clincher ;). In his email, he was talking once again about getting the divorce finalized asap.

So it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what I would do, because whatever it is, I'm not going to get the opportunity to do it. He doesn't want me.

And that hurts all over again.


  1. It's not cheesy at all. I totally see where you're coming from. You want E to have a dad and to have your life back. In your head you know you don't want to have him back, but in your heart you do. The divorce is better although much more painful.

    Are there any divorce support groups in your area that you could maybe go to? Or even a peer counselor type service on your college campus? Something like that might help you with this.

    Thinking of you and sending hugs!

  2. Firstly, I love your dream scenario. I often think of ex bfs that way.
    Secondly, of course you want him to attempt a reconciliation but I think you want it so that he admits he was wrong and so that YOU end up being the one one top. I don't think you want him back.
    Thirdly, YOU DESERVE BETTER! Yes, marriages all have problems but as a happily married woman let me tell you, it IS possible to have a marriage in which your biggest argument is over who didn't wash the dishes. Don't give up hope and DON'T settle for less. call me if you need support!

    love and miss you!

  3. Girl, you know that once a cheater always a cheater. Enjoy your fantasies of slapping him but that has to be all you let yourself do.

  4. I got the moment when the Monkey's Bio came to me and asked if I would ever get back with him. And the best thing I did was say, 'Not a chance in this lifetime'.

    I agree with Blue Moon Girl, finding someone or a support group to help you deal with the mourning process is SO beyond helpful. For the last year I've been going to therapy and found a sinlge parent support group on-line since there were not in my area.

    good luck and hugs to you!!

  5. "E and I, we deserve so much better. Especially E."

    No- do not belittle yourself. YOU deserve so much better. Especially You.

    I agree, find a group: