Most of us (especially moms who have given birth) know the stages of labor, and what happens pretty much on a basic level. In nursing school we go over the physiology and danger signs, as well as various complications that may occur and how the physician may choose to deal with them.
But for the first time ever, a woman labored IN AN MRI MACHINE. What the what?! I guess this happened quite awhile ago, but they're now just releasing the MRI footage. It is absolutely fascinating! I tend to support natural birth, but whoever this woman is deserves a medal for agreeing to this. This kind of imagery may help to prevent and better deal with complications in the future.
What do you think? Huge step forward, or too much?
Watch it for yourself!
Showing posts with label nursing school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nursing school. Show all posts
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Single Mom on Food Stamps
I'm just going to say it.
I'm on food stamps.
And Medicaid.
Since the day my ex husband put me and my 37 week gestational age baby who had just gotten discharged from his NICU stay 2 weeks prior, I've been using YOUR TAX MONEY to pay for food for myself and my son.
It has also paid for every medical checkup and sick visit Eli has ever had. It's paid part of the medical bills I've incurred as part of my clinical depression and PTSD which resulted from my baby dying, my other baby being sick in the NICU for 45 days, and my husband cheating on me and abandoning me.
It has been a blessing. A true blessing. But lately I've seen these ecards going around Facebook and Pinterest:
I don't have any of these things besides the iPhone - I tan naturally outside, I'm not allowed to have fake nails as a nurse even if I wanted them, I don't have any tattoos. Sometimes I do have a fresh mani-pedi - that I did myself, while my child was asleep, with a selection of nail polish that I've been collecting over years. I'm sorry that it bothers you that I like to have some color on my nails, but let me remind you that a median price for a bottle of nail polish is about $7. If I use that color 10 times over the lifespan of the bottle, that's costing me $0.70 for that mani/pedi you're so offended by.
I do have an iPhone. For the first year after I got divorced (while I was on food stamps!!!) I had a crappy prepaid cell phone. Once I managed to make it into nursing school, though, we had required apps. They gave us an iPod Touch (and by "gave," I mean paid for with our special nursing fees that are added on top of tuition). Many of the required apps for school need an internet connection and I was finding that it was impractical to need to have WiFi every time I needed to look up a drug or study for a test, and I decided to purchase an iPhone. Judge me if you want. I didn't buy it to have the latest and greatest - I bought it because as a single mother, finding study time is hard enough and the iPhone is a great tool to be able to study on the go. Plus also? I didn't/don't pay for my iPhone with YOUR TAX DOLLARS. I pay for it with student loans, which I will have to pay back once I am graduated.
This one is almost funny. I do get to shop as much as I want - at thrift stores. Because you know, it takes awhile to find something presentable to wear when you're sifting through shit other people didn't want. As for living off child support, that's a complete joke. Every dime of my child support goes to childcare while I'm in school, and I have a balance left over after that. It doesn't pay for any of my child's clothes or activities or haircuts or any living expenses. It pays for daycare. That's it. I will admit that my state is generous in its food stamp formula - I get $367/month for me and E. That's $12/day... $6/day each.. $2 per person per meal. So while I do have enough to feed us, it's not as if we're eating steak and lobster every day. Just to clear that up.
I do have a nice pocketbook. I have this awesome one that holds all my cards and my *gasp* iPhone. It was $6 on clearance at Target. Do you know what else I have? I have two Juicy Couture handbags and a Coach Patchwork. I hardly ever carry them anymore, because of judgement like this. Those were bought for me as gifts by my ex husband while we were married and we had the money to do so. They're not in great enough condition to sell for any significant amount of money, and as all I got in the divorce was my personal belongings (no furniture, no dishes, no appliances, no shared property whatsoever) I feel justified in keeping these. They're mine, and I didn't buy them because you were buying me food with YOUR TAX DOLLARS. They were gifts, from a time when I wasn't on any assistance at all. I don't think that makes me a shitbag.
I'll end with this one:
This one shows some common sense. No one knows how I came to be on food stamps, just like no one knows how I got my iPhone. They don't know that over the summer I'm "donating" plasma twice a week to pay the bill. When I first started getting child support, I would hoard all of it in my wallet, terrified of losing it and not sure if/when I would get more. So I'm sure people judged the girl on food stamps with all the cash in her wallet. She must be playing the system, right?
Right.
I'm on food stamps.
And Medicaid.
Since the day my ex husband put me and my 37 week gestational age baby who had just gotten discharged from his NICU stay 2 weeks prior, I've been using YOUR TAX MONEY to pay for food for myself and my son.
It has also paid for every medical checkup and sick visit Eli has ever had. It's paid part of the medical bills I've incurred as part of my clinical depression and PTSD which resulted from my baby dying, my other baby being sick in the NICU for 45 days, and my husband cheating on me and abandoning me.
It has been a blessing. A true blessing. But lately I've seen these ecards going around Facebook and Pinterest:
I do have an iPhone. For the first year after I got divorced (while I was on food stamps!!!) I had a crappy prepaid cell phone. Once I managed to make it into nursing school, though, we had required apps. They gave us an iPod Touch (and by "gave," I mean paid for with our special nursing fees that are added on top of tuition). Many of the required apps for school need an internet connection and I was finding that it was impractical to need to have WiFi every time I needed to look up a drug or study for a test, and I decided to purchase an iPhone. Judge me if you want. I didn't buy it to have the latest and greatest - I bought it because as a single mother, finding study time is hard enough and the iPhone is a great tool to be able to study on the go. Plus also? I didn't/don't pay for my iPhone with YOUR TAX DOLLARS. I pay for it with student loans, which I will have to pay back once I am graduated.
This one is almost funny. I do get to shop as much as I want - at thrift stores. Because you know, it takes awhile to find something presentable to wear when you're sifting through shit other people didn't want. As for living off child support, that's a complete joke. Every dime of my child support goes to childcare while I'm in school, and I have a balance left over after that. It doesn't pay for any of my child's clothes or activities or haircuts or any living expenses. It pays for daycare. That's it. I will admit that my state is generous in its food stamp formula - I get $367/month for me and E. That's $12/day... $6/day each.. $2 per person per meal. So while I do have enough to feed us, it's not as if we're eating steak and lobster every day. Just to clear that up.
I do have a nice pocketbook. I have this awesome one that holds all my cards and my *gasp* iPhone. It was $6 on clearance at Target. Do you know what else I have? I have two Juicy Couture handbags and a Coach Patchwork. I hardly ever carry them anymore, because of judgement like this. Those were bought for me as gifts by my ex husband while we were married and we had the money to do so. They're not in great enough condition to sell for any significant amount of money, and as all I got in the divorce was my personal belongings (no furniture, no dishes, no appliances, no shared property whatsoever) I feel justified in keeping these. They're mine, and I didn't buy them because you were buying me food with YOUR TAX DOLLARS. They were gifts, from a time when I wasn't on any assistance at all. I don't think that makes me a shitbag.
I'll end with this one:
This one shows some common sense. No one knows how I came to be on food stamps, just like no one knows how I got my iPhone. They don't know that over the summer I'm "donating" plasma twice a week to pay the bill. When I first started getting child support, I would hoard all of it in my wallet, terrified of losing it and not sure if/when I would get more. So I'm sure people judged the girl on food stamps with all the cash in her wallet. She must be playing the system, right?
Right.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Nursing School - Orientation!
Today?
Awesome.
I couldn't sleep last night. The countdown clock I've had on my desktop ever since I applied to the nursing program (counting down until the latest date we would find out our admissions status, and then counting down until, well, today!) read: "FINISHED!" Just like that in all caps. SQUEE! I got E's diaper bag all ready (emphasis on the diaper - I took like 8 or 10 cloth diapers to daycare with him so I don't have to remember them every day), cleaned out my purse, opened up all my new pens and pencils, and was so overwhelmed by my books that I decided to just leave them all in the box. Finally at midnight I showered so I wouldn't have to in the morning (mornings and I don't really get along), looked over the student handbook again (we were told to read it before we came to orientation) and went to bed.
I managed to roll out of bed at a decent time (6:30, I think? Maybe 6:45) and thankfully my alarm didn't wake E up, so I got to do my hair and makeup alone! I honestly don't remember the last time that happened. So it was great. Everything went smoothly; I knew what I was going to wear, and E woke up at the perfect time - maybe a tad late for when I wanted to leave - but woke up happy and he was super excited once I told him we were going "bye-bye in the car."
I was really worried about how he'd transition to daycare - we have a new daycare provider this semester and I honestly wasn't too sure about her yet. I mean obviously I was sure enough that she was a good and qualified caregiver, or I wouldn't have let him go there at all, but I just didn't know whether I loved her or not. When we got to her house I finalized some paperwork with her; meanwhile, E got down and started running around like he owned the place. I was amazed. After about 30 minutes I told him that mommy was going bye-bye to school, and that he was going to stay and play. He started to cry, but the daycare provider told him to say bye-bye, which he did, and then immediately diverted his attention to their family dog. It worked like a charm, and she said the only other time he cried was when she took the crayons away because it was lunch time! He had a really hard time transitioning to daycare last semester; it's amazing the difference 6 months can make at this age.
So I went off to orientation! It was great to be at the nursing building and not on the main campus - there are more parking spaces than cars, so no spending 20 minutes trolling for a good spot. I was amazed at how quickly I got parked and in the building. I was a little earlier than I had anticipated being, but it was fine. I sat in the front row because I'm cool like that, next to some super nice girls that I got along with well. Double yay!
We did boring things - went over paperwork and other things that I assume most of us already knew since the information was readily available on the website. But then the bombshell came, out of nowhere.... we were each getting an iPod Touch!!! What?!?!?!?!
Turns out that this is the first semester they're trying to integrate technology into the program, so they're testing it on us. I don't mind... except that I just bought one. I wish I would have known, but I'm still totally psyched that their use will be not only tolerated but required in classes and clinicals. YAY! The one they're providing is only an 8 gigabyte - the one I bought is a 32 - so I'm having a hard time deciding what to do. I *have* to use the one they provided for clinicals - they took our serial numbers and stuff. So selling the 8 gig and keeping the 32 isn't an option. I can return the 32, but *sigh* all that space! Or I can keep both, but how selfish and excessive is that?! Sigh. I knew I had a bad feeling about buying one for a reason!
Anyway, they gave us all our iPods, and then we had our pictures taken for our program IDs that will get us in to clinicals and stuff. My hair had seriously wilted by this point so I'm kind of afraid to see that picture. Oh well.
And that was it! I picked up E and he had been having a blast at daycare. He was happy to see me but wanted to stay and keep playing ;) I can't explain to you how happy that made me; there's so much guilt associated with taking your child to daycare (at least for me) and it makes my heart sing to know that he likes it. That I'm not a bad mom for taking him there. That he enjoys the social interaction and change of scenery and doesn't spend the whole time worrying because I'm not there.
I have my first "real" class tomorrow morning at 9 am! I started the reading (90 pages) for the first lab we have this week and got about 2/3 of the way done with it. I'll finish it and start the reading for Lab #2 tomorrow night. Eeeek! So much to do already and we haven't even been to a class!
On that note... I'm going to bed. I got out of the shower right before I sat down to write this post, and I think my hair is dry enough to not soak the pillow :)
Awesome.
I couldn't sleep last night. The countdown clock I've had on my desktop ever since I applied to the nursing program (counting down until the latest date we would find out our admissions status, and then counting down until, well, today!) read: "FINISHED!" Just like that in all caps. SQUEE! I got E's diaper bag all ready (emphasis on the diaper - I took like 8 or 10 cloth diapers to daycare with him so I don't have to remember them every day), cleaned out my purse, opened up all my new pens and pencils, and was so overwhelmed by my books that I decided to just leave them all in the box. Finally at midnight I showered so I wouldn't have to in the morning (mornings and I don't really get along), looked over the student handbook again (we were told to read it before we came to orientation) and went to bed.
I managed to roll out of bed at a decent time (6:30, I think? Maybe 6:45) and thankfully my alarm didn't wake E up, so I got to do my hair and makeup alone! I honestly don't remember the last time that happened. So it was great. Everything went smoothly; I knew what I was going to wear, and E woke up at the perfect time - maybe a tad late for when I wanted to leave - but woke up happy and he was super excited once I told him we were going "bye-bye in the car."
I was really worried about how he'd transition to daycare - we have a new daycare provider this semester and I honestly wasn't too sure about her yet. I mean obviously I was sure enough that she was a good and qualified caregiver, or I wouldn't have let him go there at all, but I just didn't know whether I loved her or not. When we got to her house I finalized some paperwork with her; meanwhile, E got down and started running around like he owned the place. I was amazed. After about 30 minutes I told him that mommy was going bye-bye to school, and that he was going to stay and play. He started to cry, but the daycare provider told him to say bye-bye, which he did, and then immediately diverted his attention to their family dog. It worked like a charm, and she said the only other time he cried was when she took the crayons away because it was lunch time! He had a really hard time transitioning to daycare last semester; it's amazing the difference 6 months can make at this age.
So I went off to orientation! It was great to be at the nursing building and not on the main campus - there are more parking spaces than cars, so no spending 20 minutes trolling for a good spot. I was amazed at how quickly I got parked and in the building. I was a little earlier than I had anticipated being, but it was fine. I sat in the front row because I'm cool like that, next to some super nice girls that I got along with well. Double yay!
We did boring things - went over paperwork and other things that I assume most of us already knew since the information was readily available on the website. But then the bombshell came, out of nowhere.... we were each getting an iPod Touch!!! What?!?!?!?!
Turns out that this is the first semester they're trying to integrate technology into the program, so they're testing it on us. I don't mind... except that I just bought one. I wish I would have known, but I'm still totally psyched that their use will be not only tolerated but required in classes and clinicals. YAY! The one they're providing is only an 8 gigabyte - the one I bought is a 32 - so I'm having a hard time deciding what to do. I *have* to use the one they provided for clinicals - they took our serial numbers and stuff. So selling the 8 gig and keeping the 32 isn't an option. I can return the 32, but *sigh* all that space! Or I can keep both, but how selfish and excessive is that?! Sigh. I knew I had a bad feeling about buying one for a reason!
Anyway, they gave us all our iPods, and then we had our pictures taken for our program IDs that will get us in to clinicals and stuff. My hair had seriously wilted by this point so I'm kind of afraid to see that picture. Oh well.
And that was it! I picked up E and he had been having a blast at daycare. He was happy to see me but wanted to stay and keep playing ;) I can't explain to you how happy that made me; there's so much guilt associated with taking your child to daycare (at least for me) and it makes my heart sing to know that he likes it. That I'm not a bad mom for taking him there. That he enjoys the social interaction and change of scenery and doesn't spend the whole time worrying because I'm not there.
I have my first "real" class tomorrow morning at 9 am! I started the reading (90 pages) for the first lab we have this week and got about 2/3 of the way done with it. I'll finish it and start the reading for Lab #2 tomorrow night. Eeeek! So much to do already and we haven't even been to a class!
On that note... I'm going to bed. I got out of the shower right before I sat down to write this post, and I think my hair is dry enough to not soak the pillow :)
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
What's up?!
Whew!
Finals are over at last for this semester! YAY! I'm so relieved. I ended up doing well in my classes, so it was worth all the craziness.
I am now officially a SAHM for the summer! I am waiting to find out whether I got into the nursing program for Fall 2011; depending on whether I did or didn't, I may or may not be taking a couple of online classes over the summer. If I didn't, I'll take a math class to replace the one unfortunate "B" on my nursing application, but it will be online so there will still be no on campus time besides tests! If I did get accepted, I'm not going to do anything this summer but be a mom. Nursing school is tough so I'm sure that I'll be glad I took some time out before starting!
I've already noticed how much of a better mom I am when I'm not worrying about a million things I ought to be studying. I have so much more patience and I truly enjoy spending time with E. Not that I don't usually, but I'm normally really high strung and preoccupied. So this is awesome. I'm loving it, and I hope it lasts the whole summer whether I end up taking classes or not.
I'll keep you posted on whether or not I get into the program! I should be getting notified by the end of next week, but by May 31st at the very latest. Eeek! Keep your fingers crossed for me!
Finals are over at last for this semester! YAY! I'm so relieved. I ended up doing well in my classes, so it was worth all the craziness.
I am now officially a SAHM for the summer! I am waiting to find out whether I got into the nursing program for Fall 2011; depending on whether I did or didn't, I may or may not be taking a couple of online classes over the summer. If I didn't, I'll take a math class to replace the one unfortunate "B" on my nursing application, but it will be online so there will still be no on campus time besides tests! If I did get accepted, I'm not going to do anything this summer but be a mom. Nursing school is tough so I'm sure that I'll be glad I took some time out before starting!
I've already noticed how much of a better mom I am when I'm not worrying about a million things I ought to be studying. I have so much more patience and I truly enjoy spending time with E. Not that I don't usually, but I'm normally really high strung and preoccupied. So this is awesome. I'm loving it, and I hope it lasts the whole summer whether I end up taking classes or not.
I'll keep you posted on whether or not I get into the program! I should be getting notified by the end of next week, but by May 31st at the very latest. Eeek! Keep your fingers crossed for me!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Clinicals
I had my first day of clinicals on Saturday. I was really scared, because... well, it was my first time. I wasn't sure what to expect.
As it turned out, it wasn't so bad after all. I worked a 12 hour shift, which was daunting, but it went by really quickly. I started to drag around 1400 (haha) but that happens to me normally anyway. I got my second wind later and went home, ate dinner, played with E... the point being, I didn't just go home and pass out, which I fully expected.
The aide we were shadowing had 8 patients to take care of. Two of those patients were on hospice, comfort care only. I don't want to say too much for fear of violating HIPAA, but they really made an impact on me.
There was one male and one female, both elderly (although the woman seemed much older than the man... I didn't see their charts, though, so I don't know their actual ages.) I was told that both were suffering from late stage cancer.
The man was basically unresponsive. We (myself and the other student I was with) were instructed to obtain a blood pressure for him, and we were unable to do it. I was seriously about to go home at that point, because I was convinced I was totally incompetent. Neither of us could hear a thing. We ashamedly told the aide we were shadowing that we hadn't succeeded, and she kind of rolled her eyes and came in to do it herself.
Turns out, she couldn't get one, either.
She brought in someone else. He couldn't get a pressure. He was still breathing, and had good heart tones, so he wasn't dead. Yet.
They brought in an electric thing and that was able to get something, although I wasn't told what the reading ended up being. His skin was cool and clammy, and his breathing was erratic. He was expected to slip away at any moment.
No one was there with him. I know he had friends, or family, because there were lots of treats that people had brought in for him. I guess he had just been up and walking (not well, but still) the day before. And now, he was dying.
Everyone expected him to pass before my shift ended, and I volunteered to assist with postmortem care when the time came.
Except, he didn't. He was still breathing when I left for the day.
I'm not sure what happened to him. He has probably already passed, but I hope he was hanging on until his friends and family could get there. I hope that they made it in time.
As it turned out, it wasn't so bad after all. I worked a 12 hour shift, which was daunting, but it went by really quickly. I started to drag around 1400 (haha) but that happens to me normally anyway. I got my second wind later and went home, ate dinner, played with E... the point being, I didn't just go home and pass out, which I fully expected.
The aide we were shadowing had 8 patients to take care of. Two of those patients were on hospice, comfort care only. I don't want to say too much for fear of violating HIPAA, but they really made an impact on me.
There was one male and one female, both elderly (although the woman seemed much older than the man... I didn't see their charts, though, so I don't know their actual ages.) I was told that both were suffering from late stage cancer.
The man was basically unresponsive. We (myself and the other student I was with) were instructed to obtain a blood pressure for him, and we were unable to do it. I was seriously about to go home at that point, because I was convinced I was totally incompetent. Neither of us could hear a thing. We ashamedly told the aide we were shadowing that we hadn't succeeded, and she kind of rolled her eyes and came in to do it herself.
Turns out, she couldn't get one, either.
She brought in someone else. He couldn't get a pressure. He was still breathing, and had good heart tones, so he wasn't dead. Yet.
They brought in an electric thing and that was able to get something, although I wasn't told what the reading ended up being. His skin was cool and clammy, and his breathing was erratic. He was expected to slip away at any moment.
No one was there with him. I know he had friends, or family, because there were lots of treats that people had brought in for him. I guess he had just been up and walking (not well, but still) the day before. And now, he was dying.
Everyone expected him to pass before my shift ended, and I volunteered to assist with postmortem care when the time came.
Except, he didn't. He was still breathing when I left for the day.
I'm not sure what happened to him. He has probably already passed, but I hope he was hanging on until his friends and family could get there. I hope that they made it in time.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Woah Yo!
I haven't posted for everrrrr. If you follow me on Twitter you know that I'm alive, just insanely busy right now! I'm taking 9 credit hours in the summer (CNA and Human Anatomy) and it's crazy!
And everyone I say that to has a story... "My friend's cousin's husband's boyfriend (ha!) took 3478923472834 credits during the summer, and got a 4.0! You can do it!"
I just smile and nod, but seriously. It's crazy hard. I'm normally an A-student all. of. the. time. if I put even half of my effort into it, and I'm putting a LOT of effort into these classes and pulling A-'s or B+'s.
I'm not sure if it's the fast pace of the classes (definitely possible), the different type of material (I was an econ/poli sci major before), or being a mommy, but this semester is killing me. I'm finally halfway through... just 4 more weeks. Four more weeks. I can do it.... right?! lol.
And everyone I say that to has a story... "My friend's cousin's husband's boyfriend (ha!) took 3478923472834 credits during the summer, and got a 4.0! You can do it!"
I just smile and nod, but seriously. It's crazy hard. I'm normally an A-student all. of. the. time. if I put even half of my effort into it, and I'm putting a LOT of effort into these classes and pulling A-'s or B+'s.
I'm not sure if it's the fast pace of the classes (definitely possible), the different type of material (I was an econ/poli sci major before), or being a mommy, but this semester is killing me. I'm finally halfway through... just 4 more weeks. Four more weeks. I can do it.... right?! lol.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Where I Have Been
I've been totally MIA from the internet lately :(. I miss it! I wrote one blog post in all of April. ONE! Pathetic.
E went through this really, really, REALLY fussy/clingy time, which was where I was at first. I had to hold him, rock him, bounce him literally ALL DAY and he wouldn't sleep anywhere but in my arms. Turns out he had silent reflux (we realized it because he kept getting a hoarse voice, the poor thing!) and now that he's being medicated for that, most days are much better.
But now finals are upon me, and I'm doing the normal end of semester spazzing. I'm not sure how my grades are going to be. I thought I was totally set for A's in all my classes, but I'm feeling less confident now. I've done really well on all the major stuff - I've gotten A's on all my English papers and my test average for biology was 98% - but now at the end of the semester I've been noticing that I missed a few little things like online quizzes that were supposed to be worth hardly anything, but have now been inflated to a significant portion of our grade. It would be nice if instructors would give an accurate grade breakdown in their syllabus, but whatev. What's done is done, and I'm at least confident that I *passed* everything, lol. I'm a perfectionist though, so I'll definitely have a good cry over anything less than a 4.0. I'm pathetic like that.
As a result, I'm feeling less confident that I'm going to get into the nursing program on my first try. The program here is very competitive (generally 150+ applicants for 40 spots) and they do it on a point system. 50% of the points come from your GPA calculated from your prerequisite classes only, 25% from the TEAS entrance exam, and 25% from a proctored essay. I ordered a study guide for the TEAS which should be here any day, and I won't be taking it until later in the summer (July or August), so I think I can do well on that. I'm good at essays so I'm not worried about that either. The prereq GPA though... see, I took pre-calculus ages ago. I got a B in it. If I apply for the program this fall, the only classes that will be calculated will be that pre-cal class, English, and the CNA and anatomy courses I'm taking over the summer. If I got an A in everything else, that still only puts my GPA at like a 3.6 or 3.7. If I don't get an A in English... that brings it way down too. A 3.0 is required to apply, but at least a 3.5 is needed to be competitive. Anyway, this is getting boring and I'm basically just typing my thoughts now. The point is, I HAVE to get A's in everything, and if I don't, I probably won't get into the program when I want to. And that just plain sucks because that's one more semester living at home, one more semester of loans. So I'm feeling lots of pressure and stress. I know I can only do the best I can, and actually, I've been kind of a rock star considering 1) I started the semester late, 2) I have such a *young* baby, 3) I've been pumping this whole time in addition to everything else, 4) and I'm a SINGLE MOM! There were three other moms in my bio class - one older than me with a 16 year old, one with two youngish kids (one still breastfeeding), and one with two youngish kids as well (but none breastfeeding), and they all are expecting lower grades in that class than I am. Significantly lower. And all three of them have husbands! So I know I'm being too hard on myself, but... I *have* to do this. I have to do it to be able to support E. Besides, I'm so tired of living at home. I'm so grateful that I'm able to, don't get me wrong, but it's very difficult being an adult child living at home. It just is. I am so looking forward to the day when I have my own place.
Anyway, that's where I've been. I promise I'll be back after this week when all my finals are over and I have two seconds to breathe!!
E went through this really, really, REALLY fussy/clingy time, which was where I was at first. I had to hold him, rock him, bounce him literally ALL DAY and he wouldn't sleep anywhere but in my arms. Turns out he had silent reflux (we realized it because he kept getting a hoarse voice, the poor thing!) and now that he's being medicated for that, most days are much better.
But now finals are upon me, and I'm doing the normal end of semester spazzing. I'm not sure how my grades are going to be. I thought I was totally set for A's in all my classes, but I'm feeling less confident now. I've done really well on all the major stuff - I've gotten A's on all my English papers and my test average for biology was 98% - but now at the end of the semester I've been noticing that I missed a few little things like online quizzes that were supposed to be worth hardly anything, but have now been inflated to a significant portion of our grade. It would be nice if instructors would give an accurate grade breakdown in their syllabus, but whatev. What's done is done, and I'm at least confident that I *passed* everything, lol. I'm a perfectionist though, so I'll definitely have a good cry over anything less than a 4.0. I'm pathetic like that.
As a result, I'm feeling less confident that I'm going to get into the nursing program on my first try. The program here is very competitive (generally 150+ applicants for 40 spots) and they do it on a point system. 50% of the points come from your GPA calculated from your prerequisite classes only, 25% from the TEAS entrance exam, and 25% from a proctored essay. I ordered a study guide for the TEAS which should be here any day, and I won't be taking it until later in the summer (July or August), so I think I can do well on that. I'm good at essays so I'm not worried about that either. The prereq GPA though... see, I took pre-calculus ages ago. I got a B in it. If I apply for the program this fall, the only classes that will be calculated will be that pre-cal class, English, and the CNA and anatomy courses I'm taking over the summer. If I got an A in everything else, that still only puts my GPA at like a 3.6 or 3.7. If I don't get an A in English... that brings it way down too. A 3.0 is required to apply, but at least a 3.5 is needed to be competitive. Anyway, this is getting boring and I'm basically just typing my thoughts now. The point is, I HAVE to get A's in everything, and if I don't, I probably won't get into the program when I want to. And that just plain sucks because that's one more semester living at home, one more semester of loans. So I'm feeling lots of pressure and stress. I know I can only do the best I can, and actually, I've been kind of a rock star considering 1) I started the semester late, 2) I have such a *young* baby, 3) I've been pumping this whole time in addition to everything else, 4) and I'm a SINGLE MOM! There were three other moms in my bio class - one older than me with a 16 year old, one with two youngish kids (one still breastfeeding), and one with two youngish kids as well (but none breastfeeding), and they all are expecting lower grades in that class than I am. Significantly lower. And all three of them have husbands! So I know I'm being too hard on myself, but... I *have* to do this. I have to do it to be able to support E. Besides, I'm so tired of living at home. I'm so grateful that I'm able to, don't get me wrong, but it's very difficult being an adult child living at home. It just is. I am so looking forward to the day when I have my own place.
Anyway, that's where I've been. I promise I'll be back after this week when all my finals are over and I have two seconds to breathe!!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Stressing
I had a really hard time getting to sleep last night.
It was my own fault though. I've been checking my college's website faithfully, waiting for the summer schedule of classes to appear. It did this weekend. I looked up the times available for the classes I want to take this summer, and my heart sank. It's not going to work.
I failed to take into account that since these are summer classes, the time spent in class is longer. Just the two classes I want to take would take me away from E Monday through Thursday, 6 hours a day Tues-Wed-Thurs and 3 hours on Mondays.
There simply isn't anyone who can watch him for that length and frequency. I could try to split the time up between people who have offered to help... but the thing about people offering to help is that they mean it at the time, but sometimes flake out. Take my older sister, for example. When I first moved back here after leaving M, she offered to help me in any way possible - she said she'd watch E if I had morning classes, and she said they would add me on to their phone plan. Then, when school came around, she changed her offer to only between 9-11 am or between 1-3 pm for watching E. And when I had the money for a phone, she changed her mind about that too. I recently asked her to watch E while I went to class because my mom and step dad, who normally watch him, had a really important appointment during my class time. I asked her a week in advance and she readily agreed... but then the day before she was supposed to watch him, she canceled (not for a good reason). Luckily the appointment got rescheduled, and I got to go to class. The point is, it's not very reliable, and I can't spend all my time stressing that I'm going to have to miss class because someone is going to back out.
For summer, I can switch around my schedule. There is one class (Anatomy) that I *have* to take in order to be able to apply to nursing school for Spring 2011. The other class is "highly recommended before application" - it's the CNA course, and it's recommended because you need to have your certificate before the nursing program starts. Taking it fall semester would be cutting it close, but I could probably pull it off. There's another English class that I will eventually have to get done (it's a co-req) that I can do online this summer, and I won't have to be away from E as much.
But for future semesters.. it seems as though I'm going to have to look into daycare. That scares me so badly for a couple of reasons.
The first and most obvious is germs. E is healthy and strong, but he was extremely premature and still has immature lungs. I am so scared for him to get sick. I think that's reasonable and understandable. He probably won't qualify for Synagis next year because he *is* so healthy, so daycare + RSV season = 1 worried preemie mom.
The other is just paranoia from all the news stories you see about daycare abuse/neglect/accidents. I would feel much more comfortable sending him to daycare when he is able to talk, and tell me if there is something not right. But sending him at just a year old! How do I know if I can trust a daycare? It's easy to put on a good front when parents come to visit.. who knows what goes on when you're not there. You know?
Besides, I'm not even sure if I can afford it. I don't know how much it costs. I guess if I need to get him in fall semester I should start calling around. Maybe I can wait till next spring though.. that would be much better.
Sigh. So much to think about!
It was my own fault though. I've been checking my college's website faithfully, waiting for the summer schedule of classes to appear. It did this weekend. I looked up the times available for the classes I want to take this summer, and my heart sank. It's not going to work.
I failed to take into account that since these are summer classes, the time spent in class is longer. Just the two classes I want to take would take me away from E Monday through Thursday, 6 hours a day Tues-Wed-Thurs and 3 hours on Mondays.
There simply isn't anyone who can watch him for that length and frequency. I could try to split the time up between people who have offered to help... but the thing about people offering to help is that they mean it at the time, but sometimes flake out. Take my older sister, for example. When I first moved back here after leaving M, she offered to help me in any way possible - she said she'd watch E if I had morning classes, and she said they would add me on to their phone plan. Then, when school came around, she changed her offer to only between 9-11 am or between 1-3 pm for watching E. And when I had the money for a phone, she changed her mind about that too. I recently asked her to watch E while I went to class because my mom and step dad, who normally watch him, had a really important appointment during my class time. I asked her a week in advance and she readily agreed... but then the day before she was supposed to watch him, she canceled (not for a good reason). Luckily the appointment got rescheduled, and I got to go to class. The point is, it's not very reliable, and I can't spend all my time stressing that I'm going to have to miss class because someone is going to back out.
For summer, I can switch around my schedule. There is one class (Anatomy) that I *have* to take in order to be able to apply to nursing school for Spring 2011. The other class is "highly recommended before application" - it's the CNA course, and it's recommended because you need to have your certificate before the nursing program starts. Taking it fall semester would be cutting it close, but I could probably pull it off. There's another English class that I will eventually have to get done (it's a co-req) that I can do online this summer, and I won't have to be away from E as much.
But for future semesters.. it seems as though I'm going to have to look into daycare. That scares me so badly for a couple of reasons.
The first and most obvious is germs. E is healthy and strong, but he was extremely premature and still has immature lungs. I am so scared for him to get sick. I think that's reasonable and understandable. He probably won't qualify for Synagis next year because he *is* so healthy, so daycare + RSV season = 1 worried preemie mom.
The other is just paranoia from all the news stories you see about daycare abuse/neglect/accidents. I would feel much more comfortable sending him to daycare when he is able to talk, and tell me if there is something not right. But sending him at just a year old! How do I know if I can trust a daycare? It's easy to put on a good front when parents come to visit.. who knows what goes on when you're not there. You know?
Besides, I'm not even sure if I can afford it. I don't know how much it costs. I guess if I need to get him in fall semester I should start calling around. Maybe I can wait till next spring though.. that would be much better.
Sigh. So much to think about!
Friday, January 22, 2010
School - Week 1
Ahh... the first week of school.
Well, my first week. It was really the second week of school, but I missed the first due to various issues. Mostly due to financial aid. However, after a week of running around like a crazy woman trying to just. get. registered., I made it to my first class.
And it was awesome.
Well the class itself was average. It was fine. But being there? Awesome. Because I had worked my BUTT off to be there. I spent a week of trudging back and forth across campus through the rain (which is a big deal here in the desert, fyi) from financial aid to registration, from one professor's office to another's, wearing E in the Maya and heels on my feet, before everything was good to go. But I did it! I did it myself. No one helped, no one told me what I needed to do. I found out on my own what I needed, and I found the people I needed to find to get what I needed done, done. And I did it with a baby on my hip and in heels. Tell me that's not fabulous.
And now I'm in class, tuition is paid, books are purchased, and I have a financial aid refund coming that is going to allow me to... drumroll... GET MY BLACKBERRY BACK!! WOOT!!!
What could be better?
Well, my first week. It was really the second week of school, but I missed the first due to various issues. Mostly due to financial aid. However, after a week of running around like a crazy woman trying to just. get. registered., I made it to my first class.
And it was awesome.
Well the class itself was average. It was fine. But being there? Awesome. Because I had worked my BUTT off to be there. I spent a week of trudging back and forth across campus through the rain (which is a big deal here in the desert, fyi) from financial aid to registration, from one professor's office to another's, wearing E in the Maya and heels on my feet, before everything was good to go. But I did it! I did it myself. No one helped, no one told me what I needed to do. I found out on my own what I needed, and I found the people I needed to find to get what I needed done, done. And I did it with a baby on my hip and in heels. Tell me that's not fabulous.
And now I'm in class, tuition is paid, books are purchased, and I have a financial aid refund coming that is going to allow me to... drumroll... GET MY BLACKBERRY BACK!! WOOT!!!
What could be better?
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